The Last Thing On Earth I’d Buy

If you haven’t noticed already, I can be a bit hard on myself sometimes. I’m sure I’m not the only human to spoil their kids with toys or spend a little too much time dreaming about shiny pretty things.

However, when I’m turning my fourth cup of coffee into a moral dilemma, Squirrel is quick to remind me:

“It isn’t cocaine!”

So, today is about the things I do right. A bloggy little pat on the back for all the things I wasn’t even tempted to buy. 

1) Beer Pong Table

By the time you can afford to drop $479.99 on a light up beer pong table, you really shouldn’t want to.

2) Butt Station Tape Dispenser

Because toilet humour in the workplace is just hysterical…

3) Clinton/Lewinsky Nesting Dolls

When you’re in the mood for something a little different.

5) Yellow Pages Booster Seat

Why use the real thing when you can spend $20 on this?

6) Shoot A Brew

Because getting up to get your own is such a pain in the ass.

7) Corn Dog Maker

Experiment with other “on a stick” snacks.

Next time I over think a purchase, I’ll have to remind myself – it’s not Clinton/Lewinsky nesting dolls.

What’s the last thing on earth you’d buy?

 

 

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13 thoughts on “The Last Thing On Earth I’d Buy

  1. Heeeeeeey, what a fantastic topic!

    Have you seen those wooden lawn ornaments that appear to be a large woman bending over? Generally the woman’s dress is polka dotted. These were a hot ticket item in the non-classy town of my youth. Also popular were black sweatsuits decorated with puff paint depicting broken hearts and lyrics from a certain achy breaky song. I’m so lucky we moved away.

    The other last thing on earth I’d buy? A bumper sticker reading “I tried to think like a [member of political party] but I couldn’t stick my head that far up my [orifice].” I used to go to church with a guy who had that sticker. He married a really great girl, and I felt horribly for her.

    • Rebekah, I have never seen those wooden lawn ornaments, but they sound hideous. If you find a picture, I’d like to share your pain. The puff paint sweatshirts must have been after my sweatshirt wearing days. We had “Daniel Hecter” sweatshirts in a rainbow of colours with contrasting stitching and “rugby” pants. You had to go to a special warehouse in East Vancouver to get your pull-on rugby pants. I still remember my Dad taking me.

    • Just heard little dude is still in the hospital (18 hours later!) and that he might have to have surgery. Being the competent adult on watch, I feel as bad as if I broke it myself. He’s the son of a very close friend so I’m agonizing for all of them today. Ironically, they’d been at the skatepark for three hours only to come home and break something in the basement.
      We’ll go visit him in the hospital tonight, until then, Shitmykidsruined.com is dulling the pain. Thanks!

  2. You may have the beginnings of a whole new blog – at the very least a great tumblr site.

    Unfortunately, no matter how bad you think an item is, it can be made worse. How about naked Clinton nesting dolls, or the beer pong table that comes with three drunk friends.

    I’m constantly amazed at how many horrible ideas get marketed, but more amazing is that it took a number of people to get that “fail” out there. To paraphrase Forrest, “Stupid is as stupid sells.”

  3. I actually have #2 !! The butt tape dispenser. It was given to me as a gift and I use it all the time (at home). I am a total minimalist and have never replaced the tape on it – don’t use that much but I love the weight and feel of the guy – it is so much better than a junky piece of plastic that I would step on and break. Also, I have a “ONE PEN OUT AT A TIME RULE” and keep the rest in storage (one in my purse, one at work and one at home) and this way I always know where my pen is at home. I’m not one for potty humor so much but I do love this guy. It was just too funny to see this in a “I would never buy list” :).

    • Lauren, I’m not surprised to hear that he’s a fine little potty guy. Every single comment about it on Amazon was positive and many spoke to the quality of the tape dispenser. Also, most people had received it as a gift. I wonder how many people would pick this up for themselves. It’s funny how the unexpected things often work out the best in the end.
      Your “one pen out at a time rule” has inspired me. It seems like the more pens we have, the less we can find around here.

  4. Pingback: How To Get Your Home (Simply) Ready For Sale « 100 things 100 days

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