It is so on!

2 days to “imaginary” moving day, $133 raised for your charities

(image source)

On Friday, Squirrel emerged from his winter burrow. It happens exactly the same way every year.

He dusts the powder off his bushy tail, scrambles up to the kitchen island, takes a long slurp of his coffee and declares:

“We’ve really got to clean this place up!”

Oh really? I think as I’m unloading the dishwasher with one hand, flipping pancakes with the other, and correcting homework with the third that I seem to have grown during his seasonal absence.

I calmly remind him that the house actually does gets cleaned every week during ski season by the same glorious goddess that makes sure the children are fed, homework is done and everyone is wearing clean underwear.

Here’s where I’m afraid to say it gets ugly and if you’ve come to be fond of Squirrel, please cover your ears. In fact, I’m not even sure I heard it correctly – the sudden rushing of blood to my own head was so deafening. There was talk of that weekly cleaning not being….up to his standards???

Which instantly reminded me of the stashes:

the messes:

the incomprehensible:

And all my passive aggressive heart could think while watching him casually sip his coffee was:

It is so on!

(image source)

In fact, with fighting words like those, I’m feeling decidedly unsentimental about which of Squirrel’s treasures make the moving day cut:

You see, I too have standards.

(Pending an apology, none of Squirrel’s things were actually disposed of in the writing of this blog.)


19 thoughts on “It is so on!

  1. Damn, it IS on. Fond as I am of Squirrel, the words “why, you little…” have suddenly sprung to mind.

    This calls for arson.

    Not really, though. But wouldn’t something similarly dramatic and permanent feel gratifying?

    • I fantasize about randomly shredding stuff in his office…the hum of the machine, carelessly feeding file after file into it’s razor sharp teeth…paper clutter makes me crazy and so does squirrel at this time of year. I thought Spring was supposed to be a pleasant season but an acupuncturist once told me that there are more heart attacks in Spring than the rest of the year. Hmmm…

  2. You are a much stronger woman than me. I would have slapped the squirrel off his branch or yelled so loudly, he’d end up deaf. But I hope your method works. The Hubs once told me that things should be cleaner, and that *I* was to blame. Since starting my job, it’s quite obvious that without my “sub-par cleaning”, the house would become a literal pigsty. UGH! I say a little retaliation is in order…and I’m liking your thinking on this one 🙂

  3. OKay…watching you here and wondering if you’ve made the draw for our charities!!!! Also wondering how our firy read head nejoued his 5th birthday???

    • Not yet! Today’s the day! The fiery redhead enjoyed his B-day immensely and intensely. I spent yesterday on a whole day field trip with his big bro to the salmon hatchery. I will enlist the little man’s help to draw a winner today! : ) I’ll get the video posted today or tomorrow depending on how soon I can upgrade my account to accept video.

  4. I just read your entire blog from entry 1 to now. And I heart you and your quirks because I totally get it. I’m at the beginning. My family is at the beginning. I have a Squirrel and he’s still watching me. I hope he joins in one day, in his own time. I’m sure he will. Please keep blogging. And thank you from the bottom of my heart for baring yours.

    • Hi Kandice. I can’t wait to read your blog! I always feel like we’re still at the beginning until I re-read my blog and realize how bad it was before. Good luck on your journey. My Squirrel is still watching too, but he isn’t squirrelling much away anymore. So he’s learning something from all that watching. Yay!

  5. Pingback: How To Tame A Squirrel with Your Own Two Hands « 100 things 100 days

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