Here’s what I’m telling myself:
When I move to Whistler I will:
– cook more
– do yoga
– make the kids turn off their iPods
– ride my bike
– start my writing career (doesn’t that sound cheesy – I mean, who just decides to start a writing career)
– walk everywhere
– shop less
– worry less
– start back to work a few hours a week
– spend more time with Squirrel
– train the kids to sleep in their own beds all night
Here’s the truth:
None of that is going to happen if I don’t start now.
But, I’m getting ready to put our house on the market! I have to power wash, mow the lawn, organize my drawers, wash the walls, weed the garden and fluff the pillows. I have to worry, feel guilty, exhaust myself and get ill. I have to counsel the kids, apologize to the neighbours, scream at Squirrel, meet with the realtor, stage the house and sell on Craigslist.
I’m a busy girl, don’t you know.
Or, maybe I’m just anxious and that anxiety is causing me to micro focus on shit that doesn’t really matter. Unfortunately, that anxiety moves with me.
I guarantee there will be new dramas to micro manage in Whistler. Unpacking, settling in, getting used to a new school and new neighbours, making new friends, finding part-time work.
These things are all inherently stressful and require a great deal of energy, but it’s my anxiety about them that really exhausts me.
The truth is there’s no reason I can’t:
– do a five minute meditation every morning
– throw down a sun salutation while I’m packing or playing with the kids
– go back to my simple rice, pasta, two veggie dinner plan
– start a simple, private blog for my children’s chapter book and type a sentence or two a day
– ease the kids back into a bedroom routine
None of this requires any more energy than my anxiety is sucking out of me. And, maybe if I lay the groundwork, I’ll take a little less fear and a little more focus with me when we make our move at the end of the summer.
What little thing are you telling yourself you can’t start right now?